so i threw a christmas party the other day. from what i hear i had some fun. i spent the entire previous day cleaning up my place and hanging an awesome array of decorations that my generous mother donated, she knew what kind of shenanigans i was up to that son of a gun, practically telling me "oh i remember my first college party". so i vacuumed, did the dishes and decked the halls while belting some of my favorite songs to the supposed empty apartment complex, up until a neighbor knocked and asked if i could please put llama i was strangling out of its misery.
on a side note i also got a new blackberry from my cousin and dropped some audible chocolate on a verizon wireless lady over the phone so she would let me unlock the phone for Sad-Mobile (t-mobile is so tight, syche). im like 4 times more rad for all you keeping stats. mind-bottling as Chazz Michael Michaels would say.
anyways, so after decorating and admiring the work i put in for all these people so they could just rage their faces off tomorrow, i really truly honestly felt like i had the christmas spirit, i was feelin it, i knew what it was and i could tell all my friends in this story. i was wrong. write it down, mark the date, it doesnt happen often.
so the next night i rolled back to my apartment with B.R., Nasty, Taco and the Ville (that just flows off the tongue, i swear, say those 4 nicknames again, ill wait... B.R., Nasty, Taco and the Ville... audible chocolate at its finest) and we prepared to get weird.
boom! team USA vanquishes evil. wam! princess and her friends arrive and people are flyin in left and right. bam! pink and purple sweater + green sunglasses and a cute scarf gone. pow! dance party. swoosh! mase dawg goes ghost mode on everyones ass and is never seen again...
so i wake up in my bed -yaayyyyy- to a leaf blower causing el nino right outside my window. tight. time check, 8AM. tight. i take a peek outside and it is a wild animal park on wheels out there. a winter cornucopia of blue cups, trash and furniture strewn across the middle of the complex all covered in that dirty sticky mixture that seems to coat the surface of everything after any party. its my main man jose, our complex handyman, out there at the butt crack of dawn blowing the cups into the pile of trash. guilt stabs just below the sternum to slice a little of the stomach while still managing to pierce the heart.
i go back to sleep. im a horrible person.
i've officially lost the christmas spirit.
i wake up at 10 i think and he's hosing down the area and its looking fresh. ive got to do something or im going to hades. i go outside and wipe down the furniture he's cleaned off the little, and he asks "is this your stuff?". ready for the beatings, i quietly say "yes". he says nothing and keeps hosing. stunned. i move everything back into the apartment and close the door. luckily the inside was fine, and i did a little clean up and got ready to take the trash out. the coast was clear, jose was done, out of sight, and i made a break for it. bingo, run into him at the stairs. get this, all he does is laugh at me struggling like simple jack with a mountain of bags and boxes and quaintly says, "too much party huh?". thats it. i go home and he doesnt say a word about how i destroyed his morning.
i learned something that day. jose has the christmas spirit and i suck. Now, my only wish to Santa this christmas that i can be more like Jose and that the real Jose wins the lottery. i started feeling bad and tried super hard to make up for all the bad stuff ive done, but now instead of having to start my letter to the north pole this year with "Dear Santa, i can explain...", i can truly say im a better person now after that humbling morning. so lets all learn from Jose, I know I did, Karma's gonna have his back for a long while. i really do try to be a nice person to people, i hope some of you think i am, and i hope that i somehow earned that christmas miracle with good karma and stuff ive done, but that stuff makes me shake my head and realize there's always more cool stuff to do for people. i love you all and merry christmas.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
on snowboarding
i've got a girl who's been a friend for a very long time, we'll call her princess, and we recently established that shes never been snowboarding. me being the next, next shaun white had to teach her, so we went to mt. high today and had a blast.
as we drove up and parked, princess got real nervous and noted about how everyone looks so serious in their cars when they are putting on their hipster colored jackets and biggy smalls size pants. she had the cutest little setup that she borrowed from her sister, brand new white burton gear and a sweet board and had nothing to worry about in terms of standing out, yet she wasnt even scared that it was her first time snowboarding. Despite the fact that I've separated a shoulder and dislocated vertebrae on separate occasions doing this activity, princess is nervous because people try and look so damn hard in their lifted trucks blasting the last 90 seconds of 2pac's hit 'em up at 7:30A while pounding monsters and sausage mc muffins.
i've been at this shit for over 12 years, shredding white out in mammoth with those gangster overall getups that every winter sports athlete had to wear if the year began with 199_. like back when the highlight of my life was ordering 3 bk kids meals to guarantee that i got Jim West's round sunglasses for my toy. I've been snowboarding for a while... i guess would be the main thesis of... what im trying to say. and im damn good. granted i do wear a pretty loose jacket and pants, wear gangster goggles and will throw on my hood every once in a while, but i go out there to PARTY. the mountain should be a big PARTY. i like to PARTY. i talk to people, help them out, laugh WITH them at their yard sale instead of glaring at them in the parking lot. the pay it forward deal works on the mountain, and everyone has a good time. (if you french fry when you should pizza, youre gonna have a bad time). its FRUSTRATING if you dont have the hang of it, and the people who've done it for a while turn it into junior high all over again for those who havent.
the point is that now for some reason people have got to look so angry and cool when you go snowboarding that it really makes people feel shitty. i dont understand, this is supposed to be fun. maybe its the fact that everyones dropping c notes to fall on their asses all day in freezing weather, but if you know someone's just starting out, remember how sore your butt was on day one and try smiling.
as we drove up and parked, princess got real nervous and noted about how everyone looks so serious in their cars when they are putting on their hipster colored jackets and biggy smalls size pants. she had the cutest little setup that she borrowed from her sister, brand new white burton gear and a sweet board and had nothing to worry about in terms of standing out, yet she wasnt even scared that it was her first time snowboarding. Despite the fact that I've separated a shoulder and dislocated vertebrae on separate occasions doing this activity, princess is nervous because people try and look so damn hard in their lifted trucks blasting the last 90 seconds of 2pac's hit 'em up at 7:30A while pounding monsters and sausage mc muffins.
i've been at this shit for over 12 years, shredding white out in mammoth with those gangster overall getups that every winter sports athlete had to wear if the year began with 199_. like back when the highlight of my life was ordering 3 bk kids meals to guarantee that i got Jim West's round sunglasses for my toy. I've been snowboarding for a while... i guess would be the main thesis of... what im trying to say. and im damn good. granted i do wear a pretty loose jacket and pants, wear gangster goggles and will throw on my hood every once in a while, but i go out there to PARTY. the mountain should be a big PARTY. i like to PARTY. i talk to people, help them out, laugh WITH them at their yard sale instead of glaring at them in the parking lot. the pay it forward deal works on the mountain, and everyone has a good time. (if you french fry when you should pizza, youre gonna have a bad time). its FRUSTRATING if you dont have the hang of it, and the people who've done it for a while turn it into junior high all over again for those who havent.
the point is that now for some reason people have got to look so angry and cool when you go snowboarding that it really makes people feel shitty. i dont understand, this is supposed to be fun. maybe its the fact that everyones dropping c notes to fall on their asses all day in freezing weather, but if you know someone's just starting out, remember how sore your butt was on day one and try smiling.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
on the Mase Blog
I've decided to start one of these things.
the idea came from a writing class i had at sc. there was one assignment that was literally "pick a topic you are passionate about, and write". what? i never knew you could do that. i mean, you get to write what you want in any paper, but i get the chance to earn points by literally putting my own thoughts about my own topic. baller.
so i sat thinking about the other kids writing about global warming, social security and aids, and finally came up with my topic. i proved that Transformers 2 was the greatest movie on earth and got a b+ with a teacher who worked for universal and openly loathes michael bay. i realized my thoughts could be interesting, and then i thought about my thoughts, and realized i have a lot of them.
ive got a group of friends from home that are very special, and we speak this broken form of english that is beyond inside jokes and is a mix of ace, movie, tv, music, sports and nonsense that you can understand if you really pay attention to that stuff. we love sports, espn is the newest testament of christ. we like family guy too, but i can kind of point to where this whole mess started. the movie super troopers awoke some sleeping giant of comedy and made us awesome, and its grown to include quotes from every funny thing there is. if you ever get a hold of Micah's senior high school yearbook you'll scratch the surface. The 5 of us started this stream of consciousness thread on facebook that has gone on for a few years which will no doubt be published for scientific study of awesome, and i wanted to start bs'ing on one of these because we're absolutely right about everything we talk about. College couldnt keep all of us apart, and its gotten to the point where all of us know we are about to begin our quest to take over the world.
i've found that i like to debate, and the last line of Thank You For Smoking i think put it best. "Michael Jordan plays basketball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent." A few facts about this: don't worry about punctuation, grammar, mechanics, capitalization or sense, this thing will have or make none. Some posts are gonna have songs, some pictures, some movies, others will make you laugh, cry, combust, but like it or not, you're gonna agree with it. I try and live by my favorite quote of all time, from james lipton's inside the actors studio with johnny depp:
"If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"
"Wow."
lets see how i do.
the idea came from a writing class i had at sc. there was one assignment that was literally "pick a topic you are passionate about, and write". what? i never knew you could do that. i mean, you get to write what you want in any paper, but i get the chance to earn points by literally putting my own thoughts about my own topic. baller.
so i sat thinking about the other kids writing about global warming, social security and aids, and finally came up with my topic. i proved that Transformers 2 was the greatest movie on earth and got a b+ with a teacher who worked for universal and openly loathes michael bay. i realized my thoughts could be interesting, and then i thought about my thoughts, and realized i have a lot of them.
ive got a group of friends from home that are very special, and we speak this broken form of english that is beyond inside jokes and is a mix of ace, movie, tv, music, sports and nonsense that you can understand if you really pay attention to that stuff. we love sports, espn is the newest testament of christ. we like family guy too, but i can kind of point to where this whole mess started. the movie super troopers awoke some sleeping giant of comedy and made us awesome, and its grown to include quotes from every funny thing there is. if you ever get a hold of Micah's senior high school yearbook you'll scratch the surface. The 5 of us started this stream of consciousness thread on facebook that has gone on for a few years which will no doubt be published for scientific study of awesome, and i wanted to start bs'ing on one of these because we're absolutely right about everything we talk about. College couldnt keep all of us apart, and its gotten to the point where all of us know we are about to begin our quest to take over the world.
i've found that i like to debate, and the last line of Thank You For Smoking i think put it best. "Michael Jordan plays basketball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent." A few facts about this: don't worry about punctuation, grammar, mechanics, capitalization or sense, this thing will have or make none. Some posts are gonna have songs, some pictures, some movies, others will make you laugh, cry, combust, but like it or not, you're gonna agree with it. I try and live by my favorite quote of all time, from james lipton's inside the actors studio with johnny depp:
"If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"
"Wow."
lets see how i do.
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